I'm going to be a teenager and go ahead and say that 100 Words by AFI kind of describes my life right now, in a way. As Davey Havok, the vocalist, said, it can be taken anyway you want, and this the way I take it.
This is the final night, boys.
Tomorrow, I'll be a different person.
We are the cracks in diamond walls.
We aren't perfect, in a world of perfection, or so it seems.
I tried to illuminate, but the shadows kill. I'm overshadowed.
I tried to appeal towards someone, but things have happened. I was forgotten, mislead.
See how I blend in with nothing?
I'm lost amongst a sea of other people that honestly don't mean much to someone.
Now beautiful boys, let's destroy.
Let's forget what happened and try to fix these things that happened.
We'll shine as the lucite breaks and falls.
We'll just watch those who aren't honest slowly fall apart.
Raise the new glitter god with the golden tears - the tears that swallow.
Set a new standard, and make others drawn to it and encased.
A smile that's touched so warms nothing.
Someone I tried to appealed to shows fake emotion.
Yesterday I burnt the sky, looked to the ground and wrapped it around me.
Yesterday, I messed so much up, and started a new chapter of life. I got confused and angry.
Still today I have so much to burn.
Today, I have a lot of things to change.
Yesterday I longed to die, fell to the ground and the ground caught me.
Yesterday, I was very resentful and felt I did something wrong. What I got mad at, saved me.
Now today I question why I fell.
Today, I wonder why I felt that way.
Deities fell to decoys, tainting what's pure.
What we thought was amazing was fake, and just messed everyone up.
Let's cleanse them all.
We need to fix everyone and that which was fake.
Infinite life reclaimed, as the shadows kill, they're overshadowed.
We're going to make this revolution endure forever. Things will happen, and hide the wretched.
We'll burn as they fade into nothing.
We'll glow and feel pain as the wretched slowly disappear.
So what can help me, to understand, somehow, why it always pains me to breathe?
I have absolutely no idea why I keep hurting inside whenever I try to calm down.
We're no longer confined because yesterday I burnt the sky.
I messed up and changed so much, but maybe it could have a good outcome in the end.
Crap happened yesterday. It wasn't entirely my fault, but partially, I think. Yet it changed me, I think. I'll try to fix all the drama involved with it on Monday.
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Go down in glory.
...what did I tell you? I promised they'd take me too. Down with the heroes before me. What did I tell you? I promised I'd give you a story. Tell me a story.
Lately, life's just kind of been... really good, actually. I never thought I'd ever find myself saying this, but I love school and can't wait to go back. Also, the school I'm going to next year is completely and totally amazing. I'm going to be in band and orchestra next year. Pretty sure I'm going to be a xylophonist. :D
The first day of school, Cassidy, Gordan, Sean, Tj, and I are going to run down the hallway and yell "WOOO!!!!" repeatedly.
It snowed. Around five inches. It was exciting for about ten minutes, but after that, I just wanted to go back to school.
So guess what, a friend of mine (I'm not saying who in case the wrong person reads this and they get in trouble) was told by a teacher that he was going to be talked to after lunch. The teacher told him to go sit at the detention table. He did. So as soon as lunch was over, he ran out the outside door that no one walks out of when it gets really cold. Sean, not knowing exactly what was going on, chased after him. Cassidy saw Sean run out there, and so she chased him. Then I chased Cassidy. Then the friend who got in trouble was hiding behind a trash can outside, and then we all ran into the building and went to class. The teacher never talked to him, but he very well may when we go back to school.
On that same day, a guy I know (not the same guy mentioned previously), decided to run around the cafeteria and tell everyone to start spontaneously coughing at exactly 12:00. It was about 11:55. So we were all staring intently at the clock, and at 11:59:55, the friend who ran out the door starts counting down "5... 4... 3... 2... 1.." and the cafeteria got really quiet. Then it happened. The teachers had a major "WTF" expression on their faces. Then we all started cracking up.
I also really like one of my good friends. (Yes, in that way.) He told me he likes me. He said that over a text message, and we're not exactly boyfriend and girlfriend (yet), because asking people out not in person can be kind of awkward. (I would know. xD)
Life is awesome right now. <3
Lately, life's just kind of been... really good, actually. I never thought I'd ever find myself saying this, but I love school and can't wait to go back. Also, the school I'm going to next year is completely and totally amazing. I'm going to be in band and orchestra next year. Pretty sure I'm going to be a xylophonist. :D
The first day of school, Cassidy, Gordan, Sean, Tj, and I are going to run down the hallway and yell "WOOO!!!!" repeatedly.
It snowed. Around five inches. It was exciting for about ten minutes, but after that, I just wanted to go back to school.
So guess what, a friend of mine (I'm not saying who in case the wrong person reads this and they get in trouble) was told by a teacher that he was going to be talked to after lunch. The teacher told him to go sit at the detention table. He did. So as soon as lunch was over, he ran out the outside door that no one walks out of when it gets really cold. Sean, not knowing exactly what was going on, chased after him. Cassidy saw Sean run out there, and so she chased him. Then I chased Cassidy. Then the friend who got in trouble was hiding behind a trash can outside, and then we all ran into the building and went to class. The teacher never talked to him, but he very well may when we go back to school.
On that same day, a guy I know (not the same guy mentioned previously), decided to run around the cafeteria and tell everyone to start spontaneously coughing at exactly 12:00. It was about 11:55. So we were all staring intently at the clock, and at 11:59:55, the friend who ran out the door starts counting down "5... 4... 3... 2... 1.." and the cafeteria got really quiet. Then it happened. The teachers had a major "WTF" expression on their faces. Then we all started cracking up.
I also really like one of my good friends. (Yes, in that way.) He told me he likes me. He said that over a text message, and we're not exactly boyfriend and girlfriend (yet), because asking people out not in person can be kind of awkward. (I would know. xD)
Life is awesome right now. <3
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
IT'S A PARTY IN THE USA!
Me: Hey Anna! What's up?
Anna: Not much. You?
Me: Nothing really. So have YOU ever been bullied?
Anna: Yeah, Alex pushed me into a locker and tried to shut it. That video (about bullying) we watched in homeroom was really dumb.
Me: Definitely. ...wait, when was this?
Anna: Oh, like two minutes ago.
Then we just start laughing.
In moments such as these, I remember that we have more issues than the world has fish. That example is... a perfect example of these issues.
Okay, it's time to be serious and write a post worth reading. Or not.
Recently, I've become enthralled with writing a ridiculously long poem or song, trying to find a way to work out percussion when our drumset will remain in Turkey for several years, piecing together a cross-country road trip (that you may or may not be involved with, depending if you're in the Despair Faction... not sure if it can even happen, but we'll wait and see)
Audrey and I are planning on venturing out to the west coast in a few years.
Audrey almost has a drumset.
I now have clear converse and a haircut. I haven't actually cut my hair since July, except trimming my bangs.
Anna: Not much. You?
Me: Nothing really. So have YOU ever been bullied?
Anna: Yeah, Alex pushed me into a locker and tried to shut it. That video (about bullying) we watched in homeroom was really dumb.
Me: Definitely. ...wait, when was this?
Anna: Oh, like two minutes ago.
Then we just start laughing.
In moments such as these, I remember that we have more issues than the world has fish. That example is... a perfect example of these issues.
Okay, it's time to be serious and write a post worth reading. Or not.
Recently, I've become enthralled with writing a ridiculously long poem or song, trying to find a way to work out percussion when our drumset will remain in Turkey for several years, piecing together a cross-country road trip (that you may or may not be involved with, depending if you're in the Despair Faction... not sure if it can even happen, but we'll wait and see)
Audrey and I are planning on venturing out to the west coast in a few years.
Audrey almost has a drumset.
I now have clear converse and a haircut. I haven't actually cut my hair since July, except trimming my bangs.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
I'd never imagined that it would be this way, but that seems to be the case.
The title is a lyric from a song we're working on. I do realize it's not that deeply meaningful or anything, but the song is kind of about unexpected changes and realizations of things that have always been. Which is kinda what's going on now, I guess.
And speaking of the band: we're working, we've got our lead vocalist/rhythm guitarist secured now. We've got two techies, already worked out financial stuff, a keyboardist/lead guitarist/violist (me), and a percussionist/drummer. We're trying to find a bassist, but there aren't many people around here that play bass.
The main various hindrances we've encountered so far:
* We lack money. When your family barely has enough money for what you buy, that's a problem. I have to pay completely for my next guitar and things related to it. Of course, I do get birthday money from relatives, and occasionally an allowance for doing chores. Yet it's still going to take a while. I'm trying not to complain too much about this, but when you are buying a guitar that's $700 or so used, and you only have a little over half of that, and you can't get a job for a few more years, it gets difficult.
* We don't live close to any big music centers. Sure, there's Nashville, but that's about 10 hours away. None of us have licenses yet, and even if we did, our parents wouldn't let us go out there, nor would they drive us out there.
* We don't have parents in the industry. Although our singer/rhythm guitarist's dad does have a recording studio in his basement, but it's just as a part-time thing. So we probably won't have a studio problem.
* We have no drumset. Our drummer's cousin, who taught her how to play drums, went away to college in Turkey and took the drumset with him. We'll figure out something. Even if that means hitting random pieces of wood or shaking boxes of cookies. (Okay, maybe not.) But really. We'll be cool and come up with something.
I'll stop complaining now. What's sad is that if you have the right stuff and know the right people, you can be a widely-liked musician without having any talent. Although plenty of widely-liked musicians do have talent.
Other than that, here are some things people have said or done recently that I love.
1. "Class, I've been telling you to be quiet the whole time, so just SHUT UP!" - teacher.
2. [Mack walks over to the closet to fix a cord sticking out.] "Mack, WHAT IN GOD'S NAME ARE YOU DOING?" - teacher.
3. [When we hug each other.] "Domestic violation!" - us
4. [Austin starts laughing at Naked juice.]
5. [Someone wrote "Metallica Rules!" on a picture of the Croatoan tree in social studies.]
6. [We had to make up a new character for the book we read.] "My character's name is BAMF, and he..." - Tahisha
7. "Uhh, 'temputure...'? Did you mean temperature, Peyton?" - teacher.
8. "Why come it's like that?" - Chris
9. "But wait, don't the fish's eggs come out of its mouth?" - Chris
10. Me: ...why would you pay $130 for a holographic periodic table?
Teacher: Why wouldn't you?
Me: It's a piece of paper.
Teacher: BUT IT'S AWESOME!
11. "I can count all the way to purple!" - Joel McHale
12. [very loudly so the whole class hears] "...well, she can suck my weenie!" - Rachel S.
13. "Shut up, Mr. pissy pants." - Rachel S.
14. "Ooo, someone's got a spice." - Rachel S.
15. [Teacher starts complaining about how his joints hurt.] "...syphilis." - Marquese
16. "Well I found a hair in my food, so then I went to the lunch lady and asked if it was hers, and she said it wasn't. Then I told her 'You a lie!'" - Chris.
17. "... is Benjamin Franklin still alive?" - Luke
18. Kid in science: What if all the water went in the ocean one day?
Chris: We would build a campfire and burn all the trees down! :D
And speaking of the band: we're working, we've got our lead vocalist/rhythm guitarist secured now. We've got two techies, already worked out financial stuff, a keyboardist/lead guitarist/violist (me), and a percussionist/drummer. We're trying to find a bassist, but there aren't many people around here that play bass.
The main various hindrances we've encountered so far:
* We lack money. When your family barely has enough money for what you buy, that's a problem. I have to pay completely for my next guitar and things related to it. Of course, I do get birthday money from relatives, and occasionally an allowance for doing chores. Yet it's still going to take a while. I'm trying not to complain too much about this, but when you are buying a guitar that's $700 or so used, and you only have a little over half of that, and you can't get a job for a few more years, it gets difficult.
* We don't live close to any big music centers. Sure, there's Nashville, but that's about 10 hours away. None of us have licenses yet, and even if we did, our parents wouldn't let us go out there, nor would they drive us out there.
* We don't have parents in the industry. Although our singer/rhythm guitarist's dad does have a recording studio in his basement, but it's just as a part-time thing. So we probably won't have a studio problem.
* We have no drumset. Our drummer's cousin, who taught her how to play drums, went away to college in Turkey and took the drumset with him. We'll figure out something. Even if that means hitting random pieces of wood or shaking boxes of cookies. (Okay, maybe not.) But really. We'll be cool and come up with something.
I'll stop complaining now. What's sad is that if you have the right stuff and know the right people, you can be a widely-liked musician without having any talent. Although plenty of widely-liked musicians do have talent.
Other than that, here are some things people have said or done recently that I love.
1. "Class, I've been telling you to be quiet the whole time, so just SHUT UP!" - teacher.
2. [Mack walks over to the closet to fix a cord sticking out.] "Mack, WHAT IN GOD'S NAME ARE YOU DOING?" - teacher.
3. [When we hug each other.] "Domestic violation!" - us
4. [Austin starts laughing at Naked juice.]
5. [Someone wrote "Metallica Rules!" on a picture of the Croatoan tree in social studies.]
6. [We had to make up a new character for the book we read.] "My character's name is BAMF, and he..." - Tahisha
7. "Uhh, 'temputure...'? Did you mean temperature, Peyton?" - teacher.
8. "Why come it's like that?" - Chris
9. "But wait, don't the fish's eggs come out of its mouth?" - Chris
10. Me: ...why would you pay $130 for a holographic periodic table?
Teacher: Why wouldn't you?
Me: It's a piece of paper.
Teacher: BUT IT'S AWESOME!
11. "I can count all the way to purple!" - Joel McHale
12. [very loudly so the whole class hears] "...well, she can suck my weenie!" - Rachel S.
13. "Shut up, Mr. pissy pants." - Rachel S.
14. "Ooo, someone's got a spice." - Rachel S.
15. [Teacher starts complaining about how his joints hurt.] "...syphilis." - Marquese
16. "Well I found a hair in my food, so then I went to the lunch lady and asked if it was hers, and she said it wasn't. Then I told her 'You a lie!'" - Chris.
17. "... is Benjamin Franklin still alive?" - Luke
18. Kid in science: What if all the water went in the ocean one day?
Chris: We would build a campfire and burn all the trees down! :D
Thursday, December 3, 2009
it's terrifying...
how weird my heart is. We went to the cardiologist one time, they did some tests, and basically they said "Too bad for you, you've got some weird heart problems. There's nothing we can do, but you're probably not going to die or anything. You'll just have to freak out and scare everyone the rest of your life."
Basically, what will happen sometimes, either just out of the blue or when I was running or something, my heart will start beating really fast (which may seem normal, but I mean really, really fast) or slow or seemingly stop for a few minutes and sometimes I faint or almost faint and I'll get really confused and stuff. Drinking water does not help, because that's not the fixing the problem.
So a few days ago, in gym class, we were checking our pulse after we ran and then rested for a few minutes. No one could find my pulse. Everyone was confused and freaked out.
Then one time, what concerned me (and everyone else) is it was at 34 right after I just ran really fast. And also, it got really high once, I want to say 306, but I don't think that's possible, but it was ridiculous. Definitely above 200. And we definitely measured my pulse correctly, other people checked.
Yay for being a freak.
Basically, what will happen sometimes, either just out of the blue or when I was running or something, my heart will start beating really fast (which may seem normal, but I mean really, really fast) or slow or seemingly stop for a few minutes and sometimes I faint or almost faint and I'll get really confused and stuff. Drinking water does not help, because that's not the fixing the problem.
So a few days ago, in gym class, we were checking our pulse after we ran and then rested for a few minutes. No one could find my pulse. Everyone was confused and freaked out.
Then one time, what concerned me (and everyone else) is it was at 34 right after I just ran really fast. And also, it got really high once, I want to say 306, but I don't think that's possible, but it was ridiculous. Definitely above 200. And we definitely measured my pulse correctly, other people checked.
Yay for being a freak.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
The Spoken Word in Japanese! / タースーポケンーワルウド
The poem at the end of ...but home is nowhere. I did this last year. I can't find the completed file at the moment, but here is the first part. (I do have an image version of the completed file here, but it might be hard to read.)
わたしたちは きのうのよる ちきゅうで ておにぎった。
Watashitachi ha kinounoyoru chikyuude teonigitta.
わたしたちの くちは ほこりでうまった。
Watashitachi no kuchiha hokurideumatta.
わたしたちは きのしたで くちずけをした。
Watashitachi ha kinoshitade kuchizukewoshita.
くらやみのなかで いぬのように さけんだ。
Kuchiyaminonakade inenoyouuni sakenda.
まちのすみに あいでいた
Machinosumini aideita.
わたちは、 かわのそこに つたわって いることをしっていた。
Watachi ha, kawanosokoni tsutawatte irukotowoshitteita.
わたしたちは そのみちが むだなくうみへと まがりなくあるいた。
Watashitachi ha sonomichiga mudanakuumiheto magarinakuaruita.
そして、 それはまるで きせつがまぼろしのようにきえた。
Soshite, sorehamarude kisetsugamaborushinoyounikieta.
I thought that was pretty cool. I can't believe I did that. (With some help from my teacher.) There could be some errors, but I tried.
わたしたちは きのうのよる ちきゅうで ておにぎった。
Watashitachi ha kinounoyoru chikyuude teonigitta.
わたしたちの くちは ほこりでうまった。
Watashitachi no kuchiha hokurideumatta.
わたしたちは きのしたで くちずけをした。
Watashitachi ha kinoshitade kuchizukewoshita.
くらやみのなかで いぬのように さけんだ。
Kuchiyaminonakade inenoyouuni sakenda.
まちのすみに あいでいた
Machinosumini aideita.
わたちは、 かわのそこに つたわって いることをしっていた。
Watachi ha, kawanosokoni tsutawatte irukotowoshitteita.
わたしたちは そのみちが むだなくうみへと まがりなくあるいた。
Watashitachi ha sonomichiga mudanakuumiheto magarinakuaruita.
そして、 それはまるで きせつがまぼろしのようにきえた。
Soshite, sorehamarude kisetsugamaborushinoyounikieta.
I thought that was pretty cool. I can't believe I did that. (With some help from my teacher.) There could be some errors, but I tried.
Friday, August 14, 2009
....not exactly my definition of "best birthday ever."
First of all, on Friday, my mom woke me up early like I thought she was going to do before she went to work. As soon as she did, she told me that Grandma is in the hospital. We drove down to the hospital, which is about an hour and a half away, and then my dad and I sat in the ER waiting room while mom and my aunt checked on Grandma. It turns out she was taken off her anxiety medicine too fast, and if that happens, then the patient can have homicidal tendencies and be really, really, stressed out and weird. She had a nervous breakdown and tore up her house. Apparently she fell a bunch of times (she has some minor cuts and bruises) and then she broke a lot of things. She threw all of her picture frames on the floor, and she put a few random ones back on the shelf. Then she broke her favorite lamp. Etc, etc. We can replace the lamp, which just a few bulbs were broken, but thankfully, she didn't get seriously hurt or break anything we can't replace, because she would be really, really sad for a long time if she did. There was broken glass everywhere. She walked through it, without noticing it. She called an ambulance, thankfully, and ended up in the ER. Then the psychiatric ward, probably for about a week or two. She's already a lot better than she was though.
...But later that day, my parents told me I could go to an AFI concert in Richmond, VA. The day wasn't necessarily fun, but good things can come out of the bad. And my grandma's getting better.
♥ Izzy
...But later that day, my parents told me I could go to an AFI concert in Richmond, VA. The day wasn't necessarily fun, but good things can come out of the bad. And my grandma's getting better.
♥ Izzy
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