Certain boy is being irrationally and excessively stupid. This is why I usually try to refrain from getting too emotionally attached to people. I don't like him in that way anymore, and he is also no longer one of my close friends. Barely a friend at all.

Oh, how I despise drama. Rarely am I ever directly involved.

I'll leave it at this. He is a player. Seriously. I'd suspected that, but wasn't entirely sure. I am resisting a strong urge to hit him every time I see him, because he's caused a lot of tears amongst my friends. Yet I'm not actually supposed to know. He has a girlfriend, and a few days ago, he asked one of my close friends, who has a boyfriend, to kiss him. She said no, and she told me to not tell anyone. No one is addressed by names here, so we're okay.

This is all just dumb. Teenagers in general hold onto things for too long. Not to say that what he did wasn't wrong and hurtful, but you have to let things go, and realize that it's not going to work out, and don't keep trying again. You'll just end up getting hurt.

I passed that "MY BOYFRIEND. MY BOYFRIEND." phase a long time ago.

It feels weird not really having anyone's arms you can fall into and cry when your life is rapidly deteriorating. (It could get better, though.) The problem is, almost all boys I know either:

A) are extremely obnoxious and immature at handling situations.
B) don't understand me.
C) already have a girlfriend.

And if they aren't any of those things, then they're usually either

A) gay
B) on drugs
C) far away

Well, long distance relationships can work. But still. If you don't ever have anyone's arms to fall into or a shoulder to cry on, etc...

I'm going to get my butt out of here as soon as I can. And move very far away. :)

Songs that describe how I feel right now.

3 1/2 by AFI

Why am i this way?
Tell me why?
Why am i this way?
WHY???

Open wounds in the palms of my hands
festering through infectious time
I feel so faint as my life spills over you

Backstep over glass as I repent
I fear I cannot prevent myself
from spilling your life all over me

I'm so sick, so sick of myself
Mother, say you'll pray for me
I'm premature in my decay
Mother, say you'll pray for me

Shards of glass swimming in my eyes
A small voice in the back of my mind that's whispering words
I never want to hear

I pray that you won't hesitate
as you watch me degenerate
to reach in my wounds and extract all of my fear

I'm so sick, so sick of myself
Mother, say you'll pray for me
I'm premature in my decay
Mother, say you'll pray for me

My suffocation, asphyxiation
I've been choking on my own blood

I'm so sick, so sick of myself
Mother, say you'll pray for me

Damnation by Rancid

Lets go down town
Tell me what your seeing
Tell me what it's like
To get that old cold feeling
Spend all night just
looking at the ceiling
Living in a blown out
hotel building
All the machines are broken down
it's a narrow path
Between evil and good
Watch the strong man
In his decline
Another man dying
Is misunderstood

All I see is Damnation
Whole worlds gone to hell

Don't see things
the way the were
Only see things
the way they are now
Realize now that it's gone to far
Look into the eyes
of the dead and gone
Now all the machines
are broken down
it's a song and dance
between evil and good
Early stages of final decline
All alone misunderstood
Whole worlds gone to hell

All I see is Damnation
Whole worlds gone to hell
Whole worlds gone to hell
Whole worlds gone
Whole worlds gone
Whole worlds gone
Whole worlds gone to hell

I'd Do Anything by Simple Plan [XD]

Another day, is going by
I'm thinkin' about you all the time
But you're out there
And I'm here waiting

And I, wrote this letter, in my head
Cuz' so many things were left unsaid
But now you're gone
And I can't think straight

This could be, the one last chance, to make you understand, yeah

I'd do anything
Just to hold you in my arms
To try to make you laugh
Somehow I can't put you in the past
I'd DO ANYTHING
Just to fall asleep with you
Will you remember me?
Cuz' I know I won't forget you

Together we, broke all the rules
Dreamin' of droppin' out of school
And leave this place
To never come back

So now, maybe after, all these years
And if you miss me have no fear
I'll be here
And I'll be waitin'

This could be, the one last chance, to make you understand
And I just can't let you leave me once again, yeah

I'd do anything
Just to hold you in my arms
To try to make you laugh
Somehow I can't put you in the past
I'd do anything
Just to fall asleep with you
Will you remember me?
Cuz' I know I won't forget you

I close my eyes
And all I see is you
I close my eyes
I try to sleep, I can't forget you
Nanana, nanana
And I'd do anything for you
Nanana, nanananaaaa

I'd do anything
Just to hold you in my arms
To try to make you laugh
Somehow I can't put you in the past
I'd do anything
Just to fall asleep with you
To fall asleep with you
With you, yeah
I'd do anything
To fall asleep with you
I'd do anything
There's nothing I won't do
I'd do anything
To fall asleep with you
I'd do anything
Cuz' I know, I won't forget you

awkward and/or inappropriate/disgusting things my friends say

1. We were talking about showing good behavior in the hallways, because our school really has a problem with that, and then Chris, who says ridiculous things constantly, said

"Ms. Steger, someone drew a picture of a penis above my locker and it won't come off."

2. Teska, out of the blue when we're on the bleachers in the gym

"SPOILED BREASTMILK!"

3. Teska, in the same situation as above, the next day

"EXPIRED SPERM!"

4. Just sitting in the cafeteria, someone says something about pregnancy, then Cassidy said

"Gordan, you're pregnant?!"

5. "CASSIDY, MACK GOT MAD AT ME AND SHE'S TRYING TO CUT MY BUTT OFF!" - me

6. We were walking and Frances looked really sad. Tj kept asking her what was wrong, and she didn't say anything. I told him that it might be because he's a boy and he doesn't understand. Then he said really loud

"FRANCES, ARE YOU ON YOUR PERIOD?" [by the way, she said no]

7. We were talking about how boys should be glad that they don't have to deal with Aunt Flo's monthly visits and all the pain involved. Tj said

"So you're saying it doesn't hurt when guys get kicked in the balls? Well girls just don't understand. You all just have... like, a uteral or something."

8. One of my best friends (I'm not going to say who it is, in case someone who goes to my school reads this.) and I were walking to the buses together and he told me to grab his arm so he can pretend he's being held against his will and walk back with him to get another friend. I think he just likes us almost holding hands, but anyways, we were walking back, and another one of my best friends, Katie, (who knows that my other best friend and I like each other) saw us and said

"Is there something going on between you two now?"

He looked really embarrassed and quickly said "No" :)

9. Tori and I hugged each other several times when we were sitting in the gym with everyone, where we have to wait before school starts if we get there early. Amanda, who was sitting behind us, said

"Were y'all making out?"

"No...?"

"Well it looked like you were." She cracked up, and so did Leland and us, too.

10. Tori and Tj were fighting over me in the gym. Tori was hugging me, and Tj said

"Give it back! It's mine!"

"...it?" Then he just started laughing.

i love my friends. dearly.

and if something doesn't happen soon, regarding the certain best friend, well, i'll make something happen. okay, that sounded creepy. but you get what i mean, right?